THE NIGHTLY NOOSE
Brought to you by your host IVES HADENOUGH
Gen. Nuisance in an unprecedented move apologizes to the Afghan people for slaughtering their families.
Hi I am Gen.Nuisance, I got four stars and I am here to win your hearts and minds and bring you people Democracy and free you from yourself and make you safe.
Although I can't speak a word of your language.
(Imagine a foreign invader coming into your village who can't even speak English and tells you he is going to bring you democracy and then slaughters your family.)
So much for credibility.
you all saw what I did in Iraq. Man I leveled that country to the ground. Though I must admit I didn't do it alone I actually had help from my goon squad Blackwater.
The men, women and children they murdered were unarmed, well actually they had arms and legs before we blew them off.
A court of my laws found them not guilty, hey you got a problem with that.
I was actually surprised it took me so long to slaughter all the people of that country after all, we bombed them without mercy. Come to think of it they didn't have a chance with all the firepower I command.
We actually referred to them as Towel Heads and sand N_____s, that made us feel a lot better about ourselves.
So anyway BUBA and his predecessor decided we should do Afghanistan next.
Yes I know. I killed lots of your unarmed civilians in the past. I tried sneaking up on them while they were sleeping killing most of them in their sleep.
But some actually woke up and tried to defend themselves.
They didn't have a chance.
Yes I know it turned out they were just divinity students and marriage parties. Hey I thought I had good information from torturing the hell out of those POWs using the best techniques used by the Israelis and they get away with it.
You didn't expect me to admit that before the world did you? We were looking for bin Laden and hell you all look like bin Laden to me. I must admit your freedom fighters are a formidable force to reckon with.
Why all they got are hand-held weapons, improvised exploding devices, the cloths on their backs and funny towels around their heads. They don't have one piece of body armor.
Meanwhile I got heavy armor, body armor, armor armor and more armor.Gunships, Battleships, jet planes unmanned drones, you name it we got it.The best that taxpayers dollars can buy.
But it seems I just can't do it right.
Why my fellow Americans have given up their jobs and homes just so me and my Generals can have all the weapons we want. Yes I know a lot of my General buddies are heavily invested in the arms industry but you got to make money somehow or other these days and the firing of every rocket is money in their pocket.
I thought we could actually wipe you out in no time but no you had to resist.
I guess you're not the fools I made you out to be.
So can we start over. How about we make you a deal and try to bribe you, I mean buy you out. Maybe you can take up basket weaving or something like that.
Hell we've been buying everybody else out. Come on forget about the principle crap where is that going to get you?
Well anyway I just want to say I'm sorry I got caught with my pants down and you didn't believe my cover up lies of the past, thanks to independent media that wasn't in bed with me.
I took out enough of them BAST---S, I mean news reporters but I guess I missed a few..
Oh right I almost forgot, ahem, I am sorry I killed your mother, father, sister, brother, cousins, ants, I mean aunts,uncles whoever.
Hey by the way if you happen to kill any of my family members thinking you were shooting at me just say you're sorry okay? We'll kiss and make up I'll understand okay?
Gen. Nuisance ****